The days went on, for time presses on despite whatever attempts we do to stop it. It was depressing knowing that every moment was our last. We stood before the terminal like a prisoner sentenced to death. We knew that it would never be this way again. Everything we ever enjoyed was gone. The airplanes to take us away from the friends we had grown close to over the past nine months drew nearer. For some reason we were all smiling though. It was as if we tried to push away the fact that we were leaving by being happy or at least feigning it. But then I realized something. We weren’t crying. I had expected myself to cry as we entered the Beijing airport for the last time as SYA students, but all the fond memories I had of everything made it so not even a semblance of a tear could form in my eyes. Our last hoorah. And though the pain in my chest made me want to cry… the tears just couldn’t fight through the memories. Gavin, Ba, Ma and Peter parted with us at security. And now there was Warren, Chris, Karina and I, (among others.) One of my best friends gone. It began to feel like how I left for China, as I watched friend after friend disappear on the day before my departure to China. Now on my way back it was, again, like that. The plane ride I sat next to Warren… just like on the way over to China. This time though, I didn’t have stories about back home to tell him about. We had stories to share, about wedding crashing, mountain climbing, sparring, girls, etc. etc. Karina was sitting alone with an open seat next to her and I moved over during turbulence across six people to reach her. We signed each other’s yearbooks and leaned on each other, as if we were completely oblivious to an end. I didn’t know if ignoring the problem was the best idea, but it made me forget the pain of thinking about leaving someone that was so incredible. I realized that on this trip I found people that I cared about more than I cared about myself. It was an incredible feeling and I began to feel indebted to China for introducing me to such a profound emotion. The plane ride went too fast for my liking. Eleven hours went by in the blink of an eye. We passed customs and Karina’s, Stephanie’s and my gate were apart from everyone else’s. We began to walk off in different directions, Karina and Stephanie had already gone ahead, and as I walked to catch up with them, I felt a lump of tears fall to my throat, trying to shatter but having something stopping that. I felt like I was choking and just wished they would get out. I had just left Warren and Chris. Two more best friends gone… With each “China” friend leaving I felt like I was slowly reverting back to who I was before I left for China. It was beginning to scare me. I caught up with Karina and Stephanie who were having trouble getting their new tickets. I joked about them being able to navigate through Beijing but this E-Check in was over their heads. Luckily the three of our flight’s gates were right next to each other so we sat next to each other as we waited to head back to what we could only assume would be a life of normalcy. Across from me was a bagel shop and I went there, craving this delicacy that I hadn’t had for nine months. The people behind the counter were Chinese and we began talking in Chinese and they were impressed. We told them about what we’d done, and it eased the pain of returning home, knowing that some places will have people that we’ll be able to use this skill with. Three hours passed and our eyes were glazed in that watery state before the tears parade down. Karina’s plane got in first and we hugged in the busy San Francisco airport as she waited for her rows to be called. The people avoided giving us stares and parted around us like we were Moses in the Red Sea. Her row was called and she kissed me. It was one of those passionate, albeit a tad wet from our combined tears, kisses that I used to dream and write about when I was younger. She handed the stewardess her ticket, looking back over her shoulder at me, before turning towards the doorway and walking through it. I yelled out, “I love you,” in Chinese, and slowly walked back to where Stephanie had been watching my stuff. My chair was gone and I stood in the middle of one of the rows, head bowed before me while I tried sobbing out the answers to Stephanie’s questions. I didn’t care how ridiculous the whole scene looked to onlookers. If they judged me then so what? I only remember saying, “It’s going to rain today,” before the last tear dropped and fell onto my shirt, emblazoned with a giant panda fighting an army that Karina had given me while in Chengdu. We boarded the plane to Cleveland and I slept the whole way, tired with the exhaustion that comes from crying. I woke up to the pilot saying it was storming in Cleveland and that we might have to land in Detroit. The plane landed in Cleveland with no problems except for Stephanie misplaced her passport, so I waited around and helped her try and find it on the plane, dreading the fact that an outdated life lied outside of these terminal gates. Hopefully it wasn’t too outdated… The last two SYA-er’s boldly marched slowly forward to a life seemingly given up, but really it was just revamped and changed for the better. I walked out of the gates and saw the people waiting for me. I was back.
But was I home?
