Just some things that never made it to the light of day (part 1)

As I sit here on the eighth last day of my sojourn to China, sick, I had a lot of time to reflect on all the time that’s passed by, on all the mistakes, the triumphs, the adventures, the tragedies, on everything and it really has been a great year. I wish I could just write about every little detail and share with you all the small victories that won’t mean much to anyone other than those who experienced this year in China, so I’ll refrain from those moments talking with waitresses, or shopkeepers, walking the street and understanding the signs, getting un-lost, or stumbling down an old alley and finding a new haunt. I lay in bed last night, feverish and dying in the heat of Beijing that could kill an elephant, while a mosquito feasted on my jaundiced skin, and I actually cried. I couldn’t imagine heading back and not being able to walk into America and use this skill I’ve acquired through nine months of hell and enjoyment. But I pushed those sad thoughts out of my head and thought of everything that was amazing. It was overwhelming, that rush of feeling, and I felt like a fool for just lying on my rock hard bed, laughing while tears streamed down my face. So this might be jumbled up with everything I’m feeling lately. China is incredible. Before coming to China, I didn’t really know why I was going. I showed some interest in travelling abroad, and I was told to jump on it. So I did. I was off to something I didn’t quite understand, and I was going to try and embrace it. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. In my mind, I still had one year of high school and all of college to figure that out. Coming to China told me that whatever I was going to do, it had something to do with 中国. The year progressed and one of my characteristics slowly changed. I couldn’t just stay put, I had to go out and explore. Staying meant wasting a day of a life where I knew the exact day it would end, May 29th. That concept extended to my whole life, except with life having the uncertainty of not knowing when it ends. Carpe diem. By the time winter came, I felt transformed into someone new. I often heard people use this term being transformed into someone new, but it just sounded something a bit past ridiculous. It wasn’t some new faith, or miracle diet, or something else that goes around on the news claiming how it will change your life. It was a country that caused this new me to be. I was now Sterling with Chinese characteristics. The whole of the SYA Dynasty that I spent over here has taught me… I actually don’t know how to put into words what it taught me. How to be a global citizen? More or less. What is love? Please… baby don’t hurt me. Chinese culture? Only a fraction of that. Chinese? Well at least there’s one definite answer in all that. But the experience was still priceless nonetheless. It made all those incredible moments that only seemed to happen on TV or in the movies a reality. It took life to the limit, and then pushed us over that limit. An experience and then some. China… I will miss you.